I need reassurance and peace of mind?

Okay. This is difficult to get through to someone without the same condition as me, but I suffer from severe depression and OCD. Have done for years. But lately… Its got unbearable and I can't take it. I'm on fluxotine as medication for it but nothing helps. I've been on some sort of pill since I was 6, and nothing has helped. I can't enjoy anything anymore. It's suffocating imagine every thing you find fun, enjoyable, or a huge part of your life, being dictated by your mind telling you, you've messed up beofre and you don't deserve it and 90% of you believes it. For instance… I want to become a major gamer. Doing lets plays for minecraft etc. And I have had my mind set on this for a while now, but because in the past I have downloaded a version of Call Of Duty 4 from Pirate bay on this laptop I'm typing on now, my mind tells me I have to get a new laptop and new internet provider just to play the game without guilt. It's not just with that, its with EVERYTHING and I don't know what to do. I'm slowly slipping from reality and not wanting to move. I just need help.