I have a 3year old girl and a 7year old boy. I dread playdates. Firstly, because my son misbehaves, loves pretend play more than his playmates still. Loves minecraft etc. Lots of kids say they are bored and a good thing about my son is I never hear that from him, he is good at keeping himself busy, no matter what. I feel my son is nicer than most kids his age. He never bothers me or interrupts when people talk, he entertains himself and he is not rude or says he doesn't like something when we go over for dinner, he tries it. But, other kids seem tougher than he is, like to playfight and he does not. But, he will not say anything, he will just fall to the ground. He is also in his own world a lot of the time. He can get loud and whiny and yell "stop!" if we try to tell him something. He is on the smaller side for where he should be for his age. In short, I dread play dates because I'm afraid our kids may be too different, I do not like seeing power imbalance and I'm afraid if conflict happens and that my son will not say anything if he does not like it, he may go along, but I can tell when he starts throwing himself on the floor as if in his own little world of pretend play. He doesn't ask to have play dates or anything either. He loves playing with his sister. If we go to the park, he tends to gravitate towards the younger kids… Any suggestions, comments, concerns I should have?
Do you dread play dates for your kids?
Between the ages of three and eight, especially, kids tend to mature at their own, unique pace. There's about a 4-year-wide spectrum of normal development spanning behind and ahead of the child's chronological age. For example, a 7-year-old may be closer to 5 developmentally, or closer to 9. That's normal and OK. Your son may be chronologically 7, but prefer the imaginative play of 5-year-olds more than the rougher play of some of his peers. When it comes to things like self-control and manners, he may be more mature than most of his peers. Both are OK, and neither mean that there's anything wrong with him. He'll grow up as he is ready. Focus on his strengths, and on helping him grow.
Also, we sometimes throw kids together in play dates because they are the same age and expect them to get along, have fun, and make friends… But we don't do that with adults, do we? If you were put in a room with a group of strangers who were your same age, would you expect to automatically become fast friends? You might find that you have nothing in common with those other people, or that you don't care for their personality. You are close to your real friends because of shared interests, or because your personalities are complementary - not just because you are the same age! Kids are the same way.
Help your son get involved in some activities that interest him, and help him foster close friendships with one, two, or a few good friends. He'll find that there are some kids he enjoys, and who enjoy spending time with him. It's better to have a few close, compatible friendships than to worry about play dates with random kids.